Saturday, April 5, 2008

New Career Path

I think the Real Estate Seminar Business is a field in which I can show my true colors, spread my wings that are attached to my body with wax, and fly to the sun.

If ever there were a field suited to my particular combination of avarice, pusillanimousness, libidinousness, mental inflexibility and moral temerity, this is it!

I know there is a lot to learn, such as how to lie with a straight face, and how to get seminar attendees to pay in cash.

If past seminar experience is any guide, I must remember not to bring my ex-wife, or the speaker will hit on her all afternoon until the smoker break, then take her into the green room to show her his extremely big amortization tables.

I understand that sobriety among seminar speakers is more of a guideline than a rule. The more I learn, the more it suits my lifestyle.

A growing area is private seminars, focused on the particular learning needs of individual students, in a suite at the Hilton Gardens, with room service all day Saturday for $130 plus tips.

But to find real success, true inner happiness, and your own island, you have to either work as hard as Tony Robbins, be as good as Tony Robbins, or just snuff Tony Robbins and hope his wife doesn't notice the difference when you climb into the sack next to her.

That's my plan.

In fact, I think I have found the subject of my next seminar:

How Anyone Can...
Find Greatness Within,
Develop Greatness Without,
Or Just Kill Greatness And Get In Bed With Its Wife!

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