Friday, May 9, 2008

The Dinosaurs - What Really Happened



The Dinbosaurs didn't all die from a virus, an ice age, or volcanoes.

They didn't disappear because of global warming or cooling, or from parasites.

They didn't get killed by meteorites or asteroids.

So what caused their extinction?

It is a little known fact that dinosaurs lived long enough, and had just enough brain capacity to create organized societies, including city councils, state legislatures, and national congressional bodies.

Dinosaurs were actualy quite adept at politics, and lobbying was one of their prime skills, after eating, sleeping and killing each other. (Just like us.)

The dinosaurs also evolved enough technological prowess to create the first television broadcasts.

This explains the strange signals our scientists keep receiving with radio telescopes.

These sounds are not coming from other planets, they are reflections back to us, of the sounds emitted by the dinosaurs television transmissions hundreds of millions of years ago. It just takes that long for the sounds to make their way back to us after circulating to the shiny outer walls of the universe.

So, coming to understand all of this, scientists have recently unraveled the cause of death of the dinosaurs.

After one too many policial election seasons, and way too many dinosaur talking-head political analysts saying nothing that makes any sense, but saying it loudly (just like now,) and millions too many political advertisements on their televisions, the dinosaurs all became frustrated, despondent and depressed (just like us,) and decided they would rather commit suicide than sit through one more election campaign (just like me).

And that is how the dinosaurs showed their true, high intelligence.

And after they died, they all decided to become crude oil.

FUN FACT:

Did you know that the word "dinosaurs" can be rearranged to a new phrase?

"Dinosaurs" is actually an anagram of the phrase, " No Sir, Saud!"

Very few people are aware of this highly important clue to the current upheaval in the Petroleum commodity markets.

A Few Cool Images

Art
.

Nature
.

A Little of Both

.


The Great Peter Sellers



Dr Strangelove

It's Been Awhile...

No blog entries since mid April. Crap!

Been really busy with work; new stuff and also catching up on old stuff after having the exhausting, non-specific, achy, feverish, unpleasantness for several days.

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Also got out of the Vietnam War for a medical condition.

"Limp? Palsy? Bad eyes?"

Nope, homosexual. But much better now, thanks.

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Awww, that's homophobic! I don't have to take your abuse. I've got hundreds of people willing to abuse me.

Yes, on reflection it probably is, but I thought it could be funny.

Maybe not so much, after all.

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So since we last had our little chat, Oregon has gone from warm and sunny and beautiful to rain, hail, and snow !!!

Snow in Oregon in late winter / early spring !

Snow in West Linn and the Portland / Vancouver area on April 28, 2008 !

Snow in Government Camp, Oregon, at 4,500 foot elevation, today, May 9, 2008 !!!

Just like when I was a kid, we would have heavy snow years now and then. I thought those were over, as we had not had them for something like 20 - 25 years, but maybe our climate is really changing, or maybe it is cyclical, or maybe.....

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!

AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Shut up, cretin!

Climate Change Is Real!

Don't you know this? Everyone knows this. Only an imbecile doesn't know this.


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We Humans Have Sullied The Environment!
.
We Have Destroyed The Earth And All Living Creatures!
.
We Have Shat In Our Own Beds Like
Retarded Basset Hounds!
.
.
.
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All right, that was good. I feel much better now. Just had to get that one out.

I suppose it's too late to re-use water bottles or turn out the lights when I leave.

Seriously, there is a floating island of plastic shit in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

It is in a dead zone, which I believe it has helped cause by covering the water with all that plastic, not letting sunlight or the normal amount of oxygen in.

THIS MASS OF FLOATING PLASTIC IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN IS TWICE THE SIZE OF THE STATE OF TEXAS !

What the hell are we doing to the earth?

Besides all the other problems:

Air pollution exacerbated by coal power plants in China, SUV's in America, and cattle ranching operations all over,

Polluted water poisoned by chemicals, pesticides, steroids, hormones, and MTBE from gasoline,

Tainted and infected soil which has been over-fertilized, over-farmed, and in some parts of the world, is blowing away,

We also have to now think about how our actions and products are shutting off sunlight and oxygen to the ocean.

And now there is the possibility that over-fishing the worlds oceans is leading to a collapse of fish stocks around the year 2040.

What are we thinking?

We aren't.

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I don't mean to come back from my hiatus and just be a downer, but this is not good.

This is serious stuff.

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"Young man, now that you have graduated from college and are ready to go make your mark on the world, I have just one word for you,"


"Plastics."


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Saturday, April 12, 2008

Life Is Good In Oregon


Today it is sunny, clear and 80 degrees f.


Two weeks ago it snowed here, though only sticking at elevations of about 500 ft and above.


At least we have actual changing weather. I like the four distinct seasons.


But when it's sunny and warm here, it's pretty great.





Saturday, April 5, 2008

Fun Work If You Can Get It


Fantastic Work!


More Good Work


Good Work




Q

I don't understand why sometimes I can't format my blog posts.

Maybe the larger font screws up formatting?

Colors stay intact, but spacing between lines or paragraphs does not.

I end up having to go back and put a period or star or something in the line I want between lines of text to maintain the space.

Otherwise the lines are all pushed together with no spacing, making it harder to read and horrendously unsightly.

Plus I hate it.

- - -

And, HEY! Why can't I just pick Google Gadgets for my blog?

They are only available in html. that's why, and I don't know any of that language. Yet.

As Fat Bastard would say, in his inimitable rolling Scottish accent,
"CRAP!"

New Career Path

I think the Real Estate Seminar Business is a field in which I can show my true colors, spread my wings that are attached to my body with wax, and fly to the sun.

If ever there were a field suited to my particular combination of avarice, pusillanimousness, libidinousness, mental inflexibility and moral temerity, this is it!

I know there is a lot to learn, such as how to lie with a straight face, and how to get seminar attendees to pay in cash.

If past seminar experience is any guide, I must remember not to bring my ex-wife, or the speaker will hit on her all afternoon until the smoker break, then take her into the green room to show her his extremely big amortization tables.

I understand that sobriety among seminar speakers is more of a guideline than a rule. The more I learn, the more it suits my lifestyle.

A growing area is private seminars, focused on the particular learning needs of individual students, in a suite at the Hilton Gardens, with room service all day Saturday for $130 plus tips.

But to find real success, true inner happiness, and your own island, you have to either work as hard as Tony Robbins, be as good as Tony Robbins, or just snuff Tony Robbins and hope his wife doesn't notice the difference when you climb into the sack next to her.

That's my plan.

In fact, I think I have found the subject of my next seminar:

How Anyone Can...
Find Greatness Within,
Develop Greatness Without,
Or Just Kill Greatness And Get In Bed With Its Wife!

How To Be Uber Successful

Today we will learn how to be Uber Successful.

This seminar will give you all the tools to:

Make a Billion Dollars in Real Estate in Your Spare Time!

First, get a billion dollars. Then put it in real estate, and see what happens.

You'll probably have a lot of spare time already, so you shouldn't screw it up by working too hard.

And if you have that much time and money, you can afford to get my next book:

How To Kill Friends And Torture People For Fun And Profit!

It's really Uber good.

Only A Retard Blogs Without Getting Paid Big Bucks For It

What a strange land we have.

I guess I should have known...

I did hear something about fake bloggers, just like fake journalists supporting government programs and fake shoppers crowding into new stores, and fake bar and club hoppers jamming new joints, and fake pregnant women having fake babies...

Is there no truth, honesty, morality, chivalry, or density anymore?

Our civilization is quickly degenerating into a mass of hype, sound-bites, and half-off sales.

Maybe Osama was right, (not the terrorist Senator from Iraq, but the Saudi Arabian running for President while living in a cave somewhere in Illinois-istan) when he said, and I quote,

"Always take a litter bag in your car.
Then when it gets full, you can just throw it out the window."

I don't want to sound too immodest, but I first heard that saying thirty years ago, just before I was born, and I can tell you with full valor and indignity, I have lived by those inspiring words every day since then, for the last twenty-odd years of my too-brief, odd life.

And if you think about it, just think about it, maybe you should, too.