Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Star light, Star bright...

The US Navy will attempt to shoot down from orbit a dead spy satellite that carries 1,000 pounds of hydrazine, a toxic rocket fuel.

They say this fuel can become a poisonous gas in the earth's atmosphere or on the surface of the planet.

Kind of like when Rep. Bob Barr gave speeches while in Congress.

Although Barr is a staunch Libertarian now and, surprisingly, not as crazy sounding as he once was. I actually like the guy a little more now than I did then.

Anyway, the Navy will use 14 inch diameter rockets made by Raytheon to try to shoot down the cold hunk of metal and junk that otherwise will likely survive partially intact after coming through the atmosphere.

The fuel tank is built so strong that it will survive the re-entry.

Analysts looking at the current path of the
satellite say the most likely locations of impact are Trump Tower in Manhattan, the Trump Casino in Atlantic City, or Britney Spears.

Reports have surfaced, however, saying that the trajectory may in fact take the debris to a secret location inside Area 51, where it will be introduced to ET and given access to the truth behind the Kennedy Assasination.

Each missile costs $10 million dollars, but the Navy gets three tries for $25 million. If the Navy is successful, they will win a life-sized stuffed toy aircraft carrier, and an all-day pass to the carnival for their whole family.

The Chinese government has expressed concern about this attempt, and Russian officials have charged that it is a veiled missile test, but the rest of the world was too busy watching American Idol to comment.

In Other News...

Where's The Beef? It's all been recalled due to ickiness.

The space shuttle has returned to earth to a resounding silence after delivering the first space lab to the space station. No one really noticed.

ClintObama keeps fighting with itself all over the country.

And Michelle O. decides it's better to keep your mouth shut than to open it an remove all doubt.

Fidel Castro decided to retire, and put his brother in charge. Okay, kind of like if Your Name Is Earl, and you put your brother Randy in charge. That'll stick.

And in the latest NewsFlash:

Britney still crazy as an outhouse rat.

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